i've been praying frequently. i don't want to be bitter. when i realized that my anger had actually begun to form itself into hate, i was scared. hating someone is not something i want to do. i don't care who they are or what they did. hate is not from God.
every day it gets easier. i realize that i feel better now. i need to spend time with people who value me, and i have been. part of me wanted so much for you to be one of those people. but if you're not, you're not. and you're not.
it's hard to let go. but it's right. so i have, almost completely now. it's a process.
i think what is so hard is the recent realization that my true friends at mc are few and far between. i have few enough that i can count them on my fingers (probably of one hand). and i considered you one of those. i didn't want to let go because then i'd have even less. but my perspective was skewed.
God, send me encouragement when i feel alone. help me to lean on You, Jesus, to press into You. You will never leave or forsake me. i believe that. God, fill my heart with Your love and also with your wisdom. continue to guide me with all my relationships and give me clarity as to what your will is. God, rip out the bitter root and plant a seed of Your truth that will bear fruits of Your Spirit. You are beautiful, Jesus, and i want my heart to look like Yours.
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