kids say the darndest things.

it's amazing how a 20-minute run can change my whole outlook on life. lack of exercise has probably been a contributing factor to my crappy mood this week. apparently i need those endorphins more than i thought.

the expressions of kindness and love that have been shown to me over the past week are incredible. and an answer to prayer. things are still difficult but these people are a great help....i wish they could know how much.

today i am also thankful for one of my favorite kids on the planet, aj. he's gotten in the habit of coming up to me every afternoon, giving me a hug, looking up at me with those big brown eyes, and saying, "got any money?" to which i always respond, "no, i'm sorry aj. do you still love me?" his answer melts my heart. "of course!" and today he added, "why don't you got no money?" when i informed him i was "broke as a joke," he laughed and laughed like it was the best joke he'd ever heard. made my day.

i. love. that. child.

and i have the greatest job ever. end of story.

outstretched hands

Could I talk to You? Are You listening?

Would You let me ask the questions that burn inside of me?
I am reaching out, I am holding on
Feel like one of Your affections

but not quite like I belong

I am numb today, everything's a blur
I've seen too much to deny, too little to be sure
Like a prodigal, like a distant son
I can see You from a distance
But I'm too ashamed to come

Will You see me through this valley?
Will You hold my outstretched hands?
As the world caves in around me
Will You help me understand?
Help me understand

I am scared to fall, scared to carry on
Am I losing to the cynic after running for so long?
There's a child in me, lost in mystery
But it's buried underneath the earth
Longing to be free

Will You see me through this valley?
Will You hold my outstretched hands?
As the world caves in around me
Will You help me understand?
Help me understand

ooh wee

today was crazy long. overslept and was in a huge rush. parked in the closest lot so i could make it to my 8 o'clock, and of course got a ticket. went to class and bombed a quiz. went to tutor and had nothing prepared for my tutees. went to work and had a ton of volunteers, in front of whom four of my kids acted up in extraordinary fashion and had to be disciplined big time. went to bible club and felt like i was in another world the whole time. and then finally, went to our college night and was probably an incredible hindrance to all intelligent discussion....then ended up wandering around downtown jackson, ran into a man named raymond, and ended up getting him some food and a place to stay for the night. finally, at the very end of my day, i found my purpose in it. so this day was not a total waste. thank God.

in other news, i'm really enjoying my new camera and trying to use it everyday. here's a few shots from today:

spring is nearly here! i have proof!! :)

this was his "your joke isn't funny and makes no sense" face. i love it. what a great kid. a little bit unruly, but great nonetheless.

there you have it. my day. and now, at long last, goodnight.

sabbath

a day of rest. sundays really are that to me again, and it feels so nice. this afternoon i wasn't sleepy, and the weather was delightful, so i grabbed my camera, hopped on my sister's bike, and went for a ride. what an enjoyable afternoon. i got to practice taking photos AND soak up some sun.

it was a nice day.

well,

i feel better. nothing like an evening out with my favorite mission first girl to get my spirits up :) what a pleasant friday night.

the night before, thursday, i went with some folks from our college ministry to share about Jesus with complete strangers at belhaven....which was quite nerve-wracking at first, i must say. when i get nervous, i either get very quiet or extremely silly. thursday i was giggling like crazy and threatening ledge that i was going to run away. but i didn't, and i got to chat with some cool people. although apparently i have a skill for picking out people who are already Christians. but it was good to face that fear and just go "cold turkey." i think my faith needed that.

i think i'm starting to see the light. or at least....i feel lighter today.

it's saturday night. time to get out and see the world! goodbyeeeeeeee

urgh.

even though i knew what the answer would be, i asked it anyway. stupid me. stupid, stupid, stupid me. grrr i am angry!!!

okay....vent over. deep breaths. moving on with my life.

this mission trip is coming together, for better or for worse. i am terribly unorganized so i'm thankful for others who have been helping me along the way. i don't know exactly who will end up coming on the trip, but whoever they may be, i pray that it will be a meaningful experience for them.

i feel so inadequate most all the time. today especially.

i think i just need a friend.

we've gotten the israelites out of egypt....and we're pressing onward, hopefully with breakneck speed. this WILL be accomplished. i've never been so determined about a thing in my life.

time to make it happen. peace OUT.