anticipation and fear

I'm ready to move back in. This school year is going to be big, I can feel it. And I can hardly wait.

I sense that as much as things changed this summer, they are about to change even more. I also sense that some of these changes are going to be difficult to swallow. I'm not sure yet what this will look like, but I guess I'll know when it happens.

Has God ever asked you to speak truth, and you knew that if you spoke it, it would cause a lot of trouble? I'm there. And it's a little scary. If I say these things that I know to be true, that I know need to be heard by these people I love so much....they could not only disagree, but they might hate me for it.

I can identify with Jeremiah here:

O Lord, you deceived me, and I was deceived; you overpowered me and prevailed. I am ridiculed all day long; everyone mocks me. Whenever I speak, I cry out proclaiming violence and destruction. So the word of the Lord has brought me insult and reproach all day long. But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot. - Jeremiah 20:7-9

I can't keep it in. And I know that I won't. And that is what's so terrifying. Just thinking about it makes me feel nauseous. God, help me.